My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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