that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
