so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
