And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
