If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
