we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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