I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
