Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
