I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You pole danced in your parka.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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