There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
