i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
