omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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