On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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