i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
