so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
