I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
