never play flip cup with pint glasses
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
