A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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