Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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