hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
