doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
