morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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