the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
