I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
