That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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