I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
