the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
