You work out of a Hotel?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
