Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
