your thong is hanging out like whoa
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
