and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
