oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
