Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
