You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
