she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
