i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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