OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
