I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
