I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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