she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
