My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
