this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
