He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
