Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
