Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
