This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
