Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Someone signed my nipple.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
