isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
