i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
