the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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